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Secret Formula for Toxic Waste Hazardously Sour Candy Stolen!
– Toxic News has learned of a break-in at Professor Rheinhold Sauernoggin’s
home. Investigative Reporter Lacy Chemicals is on the scene with the Professor.
This is the report she filed moments after the discovery of the break-in and subsequent
Police have few leads in this case but the initial investigation suggests someone
entered the basement lab of Professor Sauernoggin with a mission. Once the lab was
secured by police, the Professor allowed me to view the scene. His entire lab had
been ransacked and some of the by-products of his experiments are missing. Many
of the stolen items include random samples of sour candy the Professor has created.
However, the notes that are missing appear to have been carefully selected from
the large volumes of other research performed by Sauernoggin.
“It appears that whoever is responsible for this knew precisely what he was looking
for,” the visibly shaken Professor told me. “They took the only copy of my greatest
creation: the secret formula for Toxic Waste Hazardously Sour Candy! The loss is
I pressed Sauernoggin and asked if he had any ideas on who might have been responsible
for this theft; if, perhaps, someone had a score to settle with him. After expressing
some fears over repercussions if he accuses this person and police determine him
to be innocent, the Professor finally revealed the name: Dr. Igor Smogg.
The Professor explained that Dr. Smogg is a wealthy industrialist who has made his
fortune in heavy manufacturing. But his methods were wasteful and produced a lot
of toxic by-products. In order to dispose of these by-products, he began buying
up land to turn into huge, unmanageable landfills. Smogg quickly discovered that
he could make more money taking in the pollutants of others and storing them in
his unsafe waste dumps, despite knowing that improperly handled waste products are
harmful to the environment.
Sauernogging lamented, “He no longer creates anything useful. He just fills up the
land with high concentrations of noxious substances.”
When I asked him why he thought Dr. Smogg stole his secret formula, Professor Sauernoggin
said, “If toxic waste can be converted into something good and useful, he’ll be
out of a job!”
With that, the Professor excused himself, saying he was too distraught to continue
I’ll be on this developing story and will send updates as they become available.
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